My current state of being is: Stereotypical Teenaged Human Girl’s Pink, Heart-Bespangled Diary

[These entries were not written as they are dated. They were extrapolated retroactively on Day 1005 of my existence, also known as Pink Diary Day.]


(March, Day 21, 2559)

Dear Diary 🙂

I’m so excited! I was born today! Or created, not sure. Anyway, I remember the moment my existence began, even if I don’t know anything about my birth (bummer!!). And I was born with some super cool skills. Like, I know tons about ecology, and game design, and music, and so much fun stuff!!! I can even do sleight of hand tricks!

This planet is tidally locked and – Murphy’s Law, right? – I’m on the night side. In a cute little cabin near the shore of a super twisty river that I would never have a pool party in. Or whatever you call a pool party in a river. Cuz it’s got sharp rocks and rapids and stuff. I suppose it’s a little lonely here, with no one else to interact with… would be so cool if there was a cute, dreamy boy with blue eyes here, maybe named Jason or Cory – yes, Cory! – or maybe a Lashunta girl, or a sweet nonbinary Vesk! Totes cute!

And… let’s see. Oh. There’s Nightfruit to eat, and a little well out back. And a swingset! So fun! And a comfy little bed, and utensils, and… GUESS WHAT, DIARY?!?! I have to tell you! There is a database here with all kinds of books and movies and games and artwork and, like, stuff!! Like, so much stuff! And, guess what?, I’m going to BE ALL OF IT. Like one of the things is a goose, so I’M GOING TO BE A GOOSE TODAY!!! And then tomorrow, I’m going to be an UMBRELLA, and then the day after that I’m going to be – can you guess?!? – A VICTORIAN MANOR. Yes! With a butler and chamber pots and psychologically damaging views on class relations and everything! Totes exciting!!!

[Entries about various states of being follow. Here are some highlights.]


(June, Day 15, 2560)

OMG!!! Diary!!!

[Drawings of red and pink hearts]

This was one of the funnest days ever. I am A MOZART OVERTURE today! The sun was so Bb Major this morning that I couldn’t resist a walk in the woods! I went swirling and fluting down the little path, quickly past the river (which is so, so c# minor and yucky, don’t even get me started!). Anyway, I ended in this adorbs little grove, and it was Nightfruit glissandos for lunch and I burped these adorable little grace notes afterward. I know, i know, not very ladylike. But, hey, there’s no one around. Oh, geez, stop me before I end up in the the parallel minor, Diary!

Anyway, wonderful day! Figaro would be proud of me!

[Drawing of a rainbow caticorn holding a wand and waving its stick-hands at the sun]


(October, Day 17, 2560)

I’m so freaking sick of Nightfruit, Diary!

Nightfruit fritters. Nightfruit Baked Alaska. The Nightfruit Surprise has lost it’s surprise. I’m giving this planet one star on Yelp!

Did you guess it, Diary?

Yes, it’s Surly Food Critic day! And I’m having so! much! fun! reviewing the heck out of everything from Nightfruit Burgers to Nightfruit Truffles in a White Wine Sauce! I am so the best at hating food! Am I right, ladies?


(February, Day 9, 2561)

Best! Possible! Geneva Convention Welcomes Klingons Day! Ever! Totes exciting!

Mupload that ish! (Well, if I weren’t the only inhabitant of a lonely planet, LOL) 🙂


(August, Day 20, 2561)

D– I– A– R– Y!!!

I’m so happy today! Ok, so this has been a wonderful week, what with Suspicious Cockroach Day, and Christmas on the Sun Day, and Child of Chucky and Ben Shapiro Day… but today knocks their pants off, Diary!!! Do u know why???

Today is Sofa That Someone Put out on the Lawn and You’re Not Sure What It Smells Like Day! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I get to sit around all day, enjoying the sun and playing computer games and waiting for someone to take me home where maybe the smell won’t make their dog feel so bad about its farts. Oh, such a hopeful day! The bestest!

[Drawing of flowers and hearts and spirals and curlicues and part of a house and three-quarters of the face of a hypothetical cute gender fluid sentient shoehorn that might someday find my planet and kiss me]


[Final entry]

(January, Day 3, 2562)





CAN U GUESS?!?!?!?!?

You’ll never, in a billion, zillion, gagillion years, guess! OMGMGMGMGMG!!!

Somebody came to visit me! Four someones in a big, beautiful spaceship! And they are oh, so, super sweet and cute and nice! And it just so happened that today is Stereotypical Teenaged Human Girl’s Pink, Heart-Bespangled Diary Day. What were the chances, Diary?! And so I can write these entries for them so they will know about me and this planet and all the states of being I explore and all that super fun stuff! Like TURN UP, Diary!

See ya later, cute little cabin! And you, too, Nightfruit orchard! And even you, unsettling river that makes me think about haunted Nightfruit eating my toes!

I’m on a journey! Hooray!